Your local Spar

It's been grating me for a while but now I know what I hate about Spar shops. It's not their outrageous fucking ubiquity. It's not their staff who bark the prices and spit the change at you. It's not the downright rudeness of never offering a receipt. It's not the coldness of it all, the horrible pre-packaged, stage-managed feel of the place, a shop that might as well come in polystyrene. It's not that their presence drives out local, family old business under the guise of progress. It's not that I never get a smile or a nod from the staff, even though I use the same one three or four times a week. It's not that I spent 20 minutes walking around town one day because I wanted to buy a roll but didn't want it to be called a 3sal/1meat roll, which generally will come with an unasked for smattering of sweetcorn, red onion or some other stinking filth. Nah it's none of this.

It's the way the cash registers are placed so that when you make your purchase you have to turn around and fight your way through the crowd that has formed behind you. I was in Spar the other day (doesn't matter which one, they're mostly the same shop) and there was lady in front of me. She had a buggy with a nipper inside. She was buying 7 or 8 things. Checkout girl, a smile free lady, gave the woman her change and said nothing. She watched the woman awkwardly trying to stuff her crap into a plastic bag she had brought with her. Checkout girl looks at me, next in the queue, as if I should give her my paper (why do they have to scan these?) and bread. But because of the checkout set-up I can't get past the woman. Awful situation. I'm thinking: take your time. She's thinking: take me now sweet Jesus. Because there's a big queue behind her and she feels like she's holding it up.

As if that's a fucking crime anyway.

But she wasn't holding anyone up. Spar were. It's a fact that they give more space over to their ice-creams than they do to their customers. A stupid little wooden thing, 2 square foot, to put your groceries on. Get them in, get them out quick. Really a horrible way to run a business. This is the stuff that puts me in bad form. You have to be ready with your bag and your money; you have to stuff the products in your bag before you get your change back; or you just feel like a prick.